We Don't Do It In The Bedroom
by 4EverStrong
Summary: Santana, Quinn, Brittany, and Rachel were getting ready for Puck's costume party when Quinn started to ignore Santana. Santana really hates their costumes. Queue Rachel and her big mouth. Quinntana/Brittberry relationships. Faberrittana friendship. Also random one-shots from this verse as well.
1. Chapter 1

"I can't believe you guys talked me into this. I look ridiculous!" Santana shouted pointing to her outfit. Puck was having a costume party and Brittany picked the theme for them to dress up as. Rachel had been okay with Brittany's idea because it involed argyle and Rachel just couldn't get enoug of it. Quinn had been okay with it since it let out her secret nerd side. Santana on the other hand, wasn't very fond of it. "Harry Potter and Hogwarts is so over done. I'm going to die from wearing this. How do you do this everyday Berry?"

"But Sanny, you look really hot! Q agrees with me. Don't you Q?" Brittany said with a slight pout.

"Obviously." Quinn stated without even looking. She was too busy trying to perfect her outfit to care. She was in full-potter head mode and wouldn't be coming out any time soon. Unless Santana was involved. Nothing mattered more to Quinn than Santana. Except for maybe her Ravenclaw outfit...

"She's not even paying attention. Seriously Berry, how do you do it? This sweater is itchy as all hell."

"For your information Santana, I have a first name. It's Rachel. I can bare it because I wear a tank top underneath so the fabric doesn't rub against my skin. It's not rocket science."

"Oh shut it. And you will always be Berry to me. Why do we have to wear each other's scarves? It looks even more stupid than it was originally."

"Because Brittany and I thought it would be cute to show every one how commited we are to eachother and thought you and Quinn should do the same." Rachel lied.

"She put you up to this didn't she?" Santana asked seeing right through the lie.

"Yeah." Rachel said with a sigh. "Fifty bucks each if we helped get you to wear the outfit and then each other's scarves. She seems to be very possesive."

"You have no idea." Santana groaned.

"Can I still keep my money?"

"Sure Britts. Why are you asking?"

"I can't find it and I think Lord Tubbington took it to spend on crack. He fell off the wagon again. It's sad really." Rachel and Santana just stared at the taller blonde in wonder. They were both thinking the same thing. 'Where in the actual fuck did she come up with this stuff?'

"Yeah, it sure is baby." Rachel said rubbing Brittany's back.

"Y'know, you two are probably the weirdest couple I've ever seen." Santana said when Brittany left to use the bathroom.

"And why do you say that Santana?"

"Well, everyone knows that Brittany obviously sees the world in a different light. I'm surprised you, Miss Uptight-I have to have Finn-walking dictionary-Berry are dating her. Especially after all the shit I went through to be with only for us to end up with different people. Completely crazy. Especially when my girlfriend is ignoring me." Santana said the last part trying to get her girlfriend's attention, but ultimately failed.

"Sure Santana." Was all that Quinn said.

"See! She doesn't even realize that I'm really here. She's too busy in her nerd world. At least Britts would listen to me."

"Yeah, but Quinn can keep up with you. It's an easier and more emotionally stable relationship than one with Brittany would have been if you two had continued to date."

"Two words. Walking Dictionary."

"Oh shut up. You know what I'm saying."

"Yeah I do. It's all blah blah blah. At least that's what I'm hearing. Isn't that what your hearing Q?"

"Mhmm."

"See, Q agrees with me."

"She's not even paying attention. At least my girlfriend pays attention to me."

"That was low."

"I guess that's why I'm the Slytherin and you're the stupid Gryffindor."

"Oh, bring it on Berry."

"Fine. Let's go Lopez."

Brittany walked back into the room to see Rachel and Santana fighting while Quinn was admiring her outfit in the mirror just like she had been for the past half hour.

"Really? I can't leave you guys alone for two minutes. This is ridiculous. You two are worse than Lord Tubbington." They continued to struggle against each other and ignored Brittany. "Fine. Have at it. When some one ends up hurt don't come crying to me." Brittany thought about what she said and it sounded good, but couldn't help but add to it. Which turned out to be counter-productive. "Except you Rachie. You can come crying to me any time you want because I love you."

"See, at least I don't get ignored because of some silly outfit for a party."

"Yeah well at least I stick so far up my ass I can't walk straight."

"San, I don't think there's a stick up Rachie's ass. There wasn't one last time when w-"

Rachel quickly put a hand over Brittany's mouth in order to keep her quiet.

"What?" Santana said with wide eyes.

"Nothing. It's just-nothing." Rachel said while Brittany was still mumbling into Rachel's hand. "I thought we were going to keep our bedroom activities a secret." Rachel whispered to Brittany.

"We are, but we don't have sex in the bedroom. You know that. Like that one time in front of the Janitor, but we kept going anyways cause you were super horny and that made me horny. And we skipped lunch that other time and did it in the back of Quinn's SUV. Or when we did it after Santana and Quinn fell asleep last weekend during the sleep over. Oh and what about that time in San's kitchen when she went to pick up breadstix. And then there was that one time when you wore my Cheer-"

"Oh my God! Stop. I never ever wanted to know that you and Shrimpy were getting it on. And in my kitchen? Eww...oh my god. You did it right next to me! You two are worse than Puckerman. Oh my God. I have to go bleach my eyes out now after those visions. I can't un-hear that."

Quinn suddenly turned around and actually stopped looking in the mirror for a little bit. "So that was your's and B's mess in my SUV? I thought Santana and I just forgot to clean up one of the times." With that she turned back around and was looking at her reflection again. When Santana returned to the room, she was repeating Finn's mantra of 'Mail-man.'

They never did make it to the party.

* * *

**I get bored and this is what happens. - You-Know-Who-I-Is**


	2. Chapter 2

"Seriously babe? Why are you making me do this?" Santana asked her girlfriend.

"Because, we never did make it Puck's party." Quinn replied.

"That's what this is about? It's not my fault that Berry and Britts can't keep it in their pants!" Santana pulled at the stupid skirt and dare she say it, sweater vest, that Quinn was making her wear. "This argyle crap is super itchy. Can I please take it off?"

"No Sanny Bear. Just wear a tank top underneath like Rachel always does."

"Oh my God." Santana said in realization. "I look just like Berry, Hogwarts style. This is awful. Please don't make me go to school like this. I'll do anything." Santana pleaded. She even got on her knees begging.

"Hmm, no. Now put this tie on. It's too hot today for the scarves." Quinn said while tossing her Ravenclaw tie at Santana. "I want everyone to know your mine. And nobody else's."

"I can't believe you're making me do this. This is worse than hell itself." Santana exclaimed.

"You had a threesome with Brittany and Rachel! You deserve this!"

"That is so not my fault. All of you were talking about sex and they were just so hot with the short little skirts. I even asked you for permission. I should not be punished."

_Flashback_

_"Mail-man mail-man mail-man. Oh my god. So hot." Santana said as Brittany and Rachel started making out and touching each other right in front of Santana. Santana continued to chant when Brittany's hand made it's way under Rachel's skirt and started rubbing. "Holy mother of Jesus. I need sex!"_

_Santana jumped up from where she was sitting and tried desperately to get her girlfriends attention. "Quinn? Babe? Please kiss me?" Quinn was too busy looking at her reflection to listen to Santana. "Well fine. Ignore me then. Can I at least fuck Brittberry over there?" Santana asked in a snarky tone._

_"Uh, sure San. Whatever you want." Quinn said waving her off. Santana's eye's widened comically. Rachel had later compared them to Miss Pillsbury's._

_"Holy fucking hellz yeah. I am so getting it on!" With that Santana stripped herself of the irritating sweater and ran over to the other girls that were 'getting it on'._

_End Flashback_

"I wasn't really paying attention. That doesn't count. You're still in trouble. You have no shame."

"Well maybe if you paid attention to me I wouldn't go looking for it in someone else." Santana yelled suddenly turning the conversation from their half-fight half-humor tone to serious.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I just get really nerdy-excited about Harry Potter. You know that." Quinn said in a soft voice trying not to start a real fight.

"No! Fuck you and your sorry! You do this all the time. You find something amazing even though it's really stupid and then ignore me. All I really wanted was your attention, but you fucking ignored me." Santana exclaimed, her voice raising with each word.

"You wanted sex Santana. And you got it now stop arguing with me." Quinn commanded hoping to gain control of her girlfriend's temper.

"Yeah, I wanted sex and yeah I got it, but you know what I didn't get that night?"

"What Santana?" Quinn was getting irritated. She knew this was going to blow-up right in her face and there was nothing she could do about it now.

"Your love. Your attention. Just because I act all not caring and easy going doesn't mean I don't need you there to keep me company. You didn't once truly acknowledge me, but you acknowledged Hobbit and Britts? I don't even know why were together anymore." Santana said heatedly before storming out of her ex?-girlfriends house.

"Shit" was all Quinn could say.

**_Glee-Brittberry-Quinntana_**

"Aww San, I'm sorry we messed you guys up." Brittany said as she hugged her best-friend tightly, sitting on Santana's bed desperately trying to make her feel better.

"Don't worry Britts, you and Yentl didn't do this. Quinn did. I fucking hate her so much." Santana said before breaking down and sobbing again. And then Rachel opened her big mouth.

"My name is not Yentl, it is Rachel. Get it right. I thought you would know that by now judging by the fact you couldn't stop screaming it last weekend."

"Fuck you! That's what started all of this. Just shut-up!" Santana lunged at Rachel and pushed her off of the bed they had all been sitting on. "I hate you all!"

"No you don't! You fucking love us. You adore Quinn and your just mad because she isn't her to make you feel better."

"That's not true. I'm not some fucking baby. I don't need any of you." Santana yelled.

"Yes you do. You need all of us. Most of all you need Quinn. Just go talk to her." Rachel screamed back.

"I don't wanna talk to that bitch! And I certainly don't need you."

"Get over yourself Santana. Stop trying to be the bad-ass we all know you aren't."

"You bitch..." Santana threw herself at Rachel again, but was quickly stopped as she suddenly blacked-out and dropped to the floor. Behind where Santana once stood was Brittany holding a bat.

"What?" Brittany asked her girlfriend. "Santana said 'if anybody tries to hurt you, whack 'em in the back of the head with this' and she handed me this bat."

"Baby, she wasn't trying to hurt you." Rachel tried to reason, but failed.

"She tried to hurt you and you're a part of me. So she was hurting me."

"Aww, baby, I love you so much." Rachel stepped over Santana's unconscious body and pulled Brittany into a heated kiss. Brittany dropped the bat and led Rachel to the bed, but before they could get any further Quinn walked in and screamed.

"What the hell happened to Santana?!"

Rachel and Brittany exchanged glances quickly before they both yelled out 'nothing!' as they ran from the house leaving Quinn to wake Santana up and apologize once more.


	3. Chapter 3

"You know Quinn, I'm so glad you Santana made up." Rachel said as she grabbed her books. "She's so happy again. I mean after that fight about the whole party thing, she was pretty miserable."

"Yeah, what's your point Berry?" Rachel was up to something and Quinn just knew it.

"Oh nothing! I'm just glad you made up is all." Rachel's voice cracked a bit and Quinn barely caught it.

"Oh god, what the fuck did you do this time!?" Quinn already started pacing in anticipation of what she was about to hear because anything coming out of the shorter half of Brittberry's mouth was never good. Especially if it involved Santana.

"Nothing! I swear! Now just remember that it was me and Brittany that calmed Santana down enough for you to fix things..."

"Seriously what the hell did you two do this time! And you guys did not calm her down, you hit her upside the head with a bat! She could have a concussion and gone into a coma for god sakes! What if I had never seen her again?!"

"Umm, I highly doubt it could have been that serious. After all, Brittany wouldn't hurt a fly much less Santana unless she was a threat, which Brittany thought she was." Rachel was happy that Quinn got distracted with the 'incident' as it kept her from a truly angry Quinn Fabray. A Quinn Fabray that she had to endure on many occasions regarding Santana and she really didn't need Scary Quinn after her again.

But the happiness of distraction didn't last long. Santana came running down the hall screaming Quinn's name. Seconds later she tackled Quinn to the ground and just held her there.

"Q, have I ever told you how pretty you are? 'Cause your eyes are just like wow and your hair is so soft. I think you should dye it pink again! Then it'll look like cotton candy... I want cotton candy! Can you get me some? I'll love you forever and ever and then we'll have little cotton candy children. That way when I get mad I can just eat them. Also, your ass is ju-"

Quinn quickly put her hand over her girlfriend's mouth so no one would hear anymore. Then she quickly turned to Rachel and glared. "If you did what I think you did, you and B are so dead. So tell me right now, did you get my girlfriend high!? Again!?"

"No Quinn, of course not. I'd do anything to put Santana in such a state. She's a member of Glee Club and me nor Brittany would ever put her in harm's way!" Rachel started back away slowly and Quinn released Santana to walk towards Rachel.

"That's what you said last time and she ended up eating everything in my fridge. Everything! Including the bottle of mustard, which she hates!" Quinn at this point was seething while Santana continued to complain of hunger and wanting to marry Quinn's ass because 'It's just so perfect.'

The only word coming to Rachel's mind was 'SHIT!' Then the next word screaming in her mind was 'RUN!' So she did just that while yelling for someone to find Brittany to help her 'tame the wild beast that is Quinn Fabray!'

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry** _

"Q! Calm down, I'm sure Rachie didn't mean to do it!" Brittany tried to reason as Quinn dropped Santana off at Brittany's house for the afternoon. "Please don't leave us with her!"

Rachel walked outside carrying a bag of BBQ chips. "Oh no, I totally meant to do it! But only because she's really funny and smart when she's high. So stop being so grumpy you silly buffalo." Rachel started to giggle and walked back inside munching happily on the chips.

"Oh my god! Your girlfriend is high now too!? The hell is wrong with her today?" Quinn took Santana inside despite Brittany's protests. "I mean Jesus Christ, I never thought I'd see the day. And did she just call me a buffalo back there? I take offense to that!"

"Hey! It's not her fault... Finn's being a big jerk and she was upset and San told her that it would help." Brittany got defensive really quick when it came to Rachel and crossed her arms over her chest for effect. "Plus, Rachie's always wanted to try it, but she wasn't sure until she could see the full effects of it..."

"And what, getting Santana high the first time wasn't enough to see!?"

"What can I say. We were all pretty drunk that night and blacked out. I really can't remember anything and all Rachie can remember is pink and throwing up."

"UGH! Fine, fine, you know what? You can take care of them your self for all I care and let them eat everything in your house! And your never having you Lezbefriend nights ever again!" With that Quinn stormed out leaving Brittany to deal with the two chaos makers.

"Rach! Don't eat that or you're gonna be so sad tomorrow! Dammit!"

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry**_

"Quinn? Hello? You gotta help me with these two! They ate everything, Rachel passed out in the tub and I can't get her up, and Santana fell asleep on top of my TV! Please pick up the phone. I can't move them by myself and I need food in the house or else my mom will get mad and figure everything out and then I'll be grounded which means I won't get to see Rachie and then I'll be a sad panda an-"

"Jesus!" Quinn yelled finally picking up the phone. "I'll be over in like ten minutes!"

Not much later Quinn was over and helping Brittany move Santana off of the flat screen she knocked down and putting her on the couch. "She weighs like a billion pounds Q! Why is she so heavy!?"

"Cheerios practice. Help me with her leg. It won't stay on the couch. Thanks. Anyways, we work out a lot and stuff because we don't have the whole natural muscle thing you apparently have and muscle weighs more than fat so, she's pretty heavy. I told her she didn't need to work out so much, but she insists on it so she's heavy enough where Coach won't make her a flyer."

"Oh. That makes a lot of sense now. She really does hate heights. Now can you help me put this back on the wall?" Brittany motioned helplessly at the TV, thankful it didn't break. As Quinn was putting the flat screen in place, she saw something glint under the table.

"Dammit Brittany! What is that?"

"Uh-oh..."

"Gah! You guys are intentionally trying to drive me insane! As if being high wasn't enough, they had to get drunk on top of that?"

"Q, calm down. It was just like a little party between the two because they're both brown colored and short and they were talking about how nice and cute we are. You should have heard them. They got along so well that I just couldn't stop them. They even talked about cotton candy kids! How cool is that?" Brittany continued to ramble on about the two brunettes.

Quinn now realized she was never going to win with them. Damn their Lezbefriends nights. Quinn was sure to tell Santana how lucky she was that she loved her. And then she slipped a blow horn from out of her purse and punished Rachel and Santana the entire morning. They learned quickly to never do anything stupid again if Quinn was going to be around.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I don't even know what I'm doing with this...oh well. Read and Review?**

* * *

"Hey, Rachel! Come here for a sec." Santana whisper-shouted across the gym just as Rachel was about to serve the ball. "Hurry up!"

Rachel just dropped the ball and quickly ran out to the halls. "What do you want this time Satan? I can not, and I mean CAN NOT, have your girlfriend threatening to kill me every time you get bored and decide to drag me into your schemes."

"Oh hush you baby. I swear Quinn won't have a clue this time." Rachel huffed and crossed her arms. "Look, it's totally national prank week and I need your mind and tiny, brown body to help me pull pranks on the rest of the Gleeks!" Rachel uncrossed her arms as her interest piqued. "Of course we'll have to prank Britts and Q so no one suspects us."

Rachel thought carefully about it. Could she really afford to be in Quinn's bad books again? Eh, sure why not! "Alright! But we're gonna have to prank ourselves too..."

"Way ahead of you Berry! Our 'surprise' already awaits us in our lockers as we speak!" Santana smirked a bit and was about to explain until Coach Sylvester came over yelling.

"Streisand! Get your ass our there or you will fail! Lopez, get to class!" Rachel and Santana both stalked off and back to their classes muttering 'psycho bitch' under their breath.

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry**_

Puck entered the Choir Room particularly pissed. Someone had switched his shampoo in the locker rooms and now his mohawk was a bright orange-red. Not only that, but while he was in study hall, somebody used a sharpie to draw freckles all over his cheeks. Everybody laughed as he stalked through the halls, even all of his favorite Cheerios. How the hell was he supposed to pick up babes and MILF's like this?

Mike and Tina were none too happy either when they walked in. Both had Asian Fusion written across their foreheads and were covered in glitter. A couple of 'ninjas' attacked them while they were walking to lunch an hour earlier. When the rest of the Gleeks asked what happened to the three, they all just growled as they had no clue.

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry**_

The next morning Rachel and Santana stopped at their lockers and talked a bit before pulling the prank on themselves.

"So what exactly should I be looking forward to when I open this?" Rachel motioned to her locker.

"Don't worry I took everything out yesterday and put it in my locker. I figured it would be easier to just use one locker instead of two..." Santana trailed off, not really wanting to say what it was.

"Santana Lopez, if you don't tell me right now what is in my locker, I will find Quinn and tell her right now what you are up to!"

"Fine, fine. It's just got a rainbow of delicious stinging ice waiting to smack the two of us in the face..."

"What!?" Rachel flung her locker door open and sure enough a ton of slushie covered both Santana and Rachel.

"You couldn't just wait a minute Berry?" Santana spat out some of the slushie from her mouth. "Well, at least people witnessed it and it'll spread like wild fire. Let's go find Britts and Q. They've always got extra clothes."

"Eww...it's already sticking to me Santana. I'm just gonna call Brittany. I am not walking around like this!" Rachel pulled out her phone and called Brittany who arrive no longer than a minute later.

"Hi Rach, wh- oh man. Baby, who did this to you?"

"I don't know. Somebody filled my locker with slushie and it hit Satan and I. We could really use some new clothes right now."

"No problemo. I'll get Q to meet us all in the Cheerios locker room. Get on Rachie." Brittany leaned down for Rachel to hop on her back so she didn't have to walk. "C'mon San, Q will be there with some clothes for you, plus I'm sure she won't mind cleaning you up."

Rachel snickered and stuck her tongue out at Santana and Santana just scowled. It was just no fair that Rachel got a ride and Santana was getting picked on.

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry** _

On Wednesday, Finn, Sam, Artie, and Sugar ran into the choir room screaming. All four were absolutely terrified of clowns and a couple had just happened to be chasing them down the halls. "Run for your lives!"

"What the hell are you talking about white chocolate?" The four stopped and turned around panting. Nothing was chasing them anymore.

"It was awful. There were a couple of freaks chasing us! They had these freaky demon clown masks on and everything!" Sugar yelled before jumping on top of the piano. Finn, Sam and Artie tried to put on brave faces as they carefully walked to their seats.

It was at that moment that Rachel and Santana walked into the room casually. "Well then, what did we miss this time?"

Finn just continued to mutter 'evil clowns' while Kurt comfortingly patted his shoulder.

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry**_

Thursday saw Glee's two favorite divas being asked to rejoin the Cheerios along with Blaine. The three wouldn't pass up an opportunity to climb the social ladder so they graciously accepted, even if it was Sylvester. At first it was fine. Then Mercedes realized that Coach Sylvester hadn't told her to go on any specific diet, in fact she was told to eat whatever she wanted. Hell, Coach Sylvester even ordered her to eat tater-tots at least once a class.

By the time Glee rolled around, Mercedes felt like she was going to puke and promptly turn into a tater-tot. The day wasn't looking too well for Blaine and Kurt either. The Cheerios pants mysteriously disappeared so they were forced to wear skirts. The whole Glee Club laughed at their misfortune while Mercedes ran as fast as she could to the garbage can to puke her guts out. No body noticed the secret high five Rachel and Santana shared in the back of the room.

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry **_

On the last day of the week Rachel and Santana realized they had pranked and tormented all of the Gleeks already. So they thought it'd be a good idea to prank Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schue. They brought in all the the hair gel they possibly could and squirted it all over the two teachers' individual offices. Ms. Pillsbury's shrieks could be heard throughout the entire school and Mr. Schue cried at the loss of the innocent gel.

The entire student body laughed as Ms. Pillsbury broke down and shook in a corner of her office until she was told that the substance was not in fact from some teenager's body and was just hair gel.

_**Glee-Quinntana-Brittberry**_

Rachel and Santana met up in a bathroom where they celebrated their victorious prank week.

"I can't believe we pulled it off! Santana, you are a genius."

"What can I say, we work well together tiny brown one." Santana bowed and used her 'Star Wars' voice. Rachel giggled and they both just began to laugh hysterically until the door burst open and an angry Brittany and Quinn walked in.

"You two think you're so clever don't you?" Rachel and Santana both shut up instantly and backed into the wall.

"Well, you see Quinn, I tried to stop Santana this time, really I did, but she wouldn't give up. I had no choice but to go along with it. I'm just as disappointed in San- wait a second...How did you two find out?"

"Were you really just about to sell me out Berry?!"

"What? No, of course not...unless it gets me outta trouble. I do not enjoy 'Scary' Quinn Fabray!"

"Yeah well it wasn't all me Q! I swear. Britts you guys gotta believe me, Berry was in this the whole time with me and never tried to stop it!"

Rachel and Santana continued to argue over whose fault it was while Quinn and Brittany whispered to each other.

"How long do you think it will take them to realize they still haven't pranked us?" Quinn asked.

"Oh, Rachel will figure it out as soon as they shut up, but we'll totes have to explain it to San..."

"True, I'm cutting Santana off for two weeks. She never learns otherwise. How long are you cutting off Rachel?"

"Hmm... I think a day will be good."

"What? One day? You can't hold out for more than one day?" Quinn was shocked and just couldn't understand.

"Well yeah, you don't understand how good she is. Her mouth just does wonders really. Just ask Santana!"

Quinn growled in frustration. She really, really wished everyone would stop bring that night up.


End file.
